I am writing this at 8PM CT. I started seriously accepting a second Trump presidency at around 11PM last night. At that time, I started searching for ways to move Europe. Later that night, when I couldn't sleep, I had a serious conversation with my partner about when, how, and where we would move.
For most of the election season, I assumed Harris would win. I feared that Biden was going to lose, but I managed to believe that Harris would be able to win because she could offer a revival of motivation and hope to left-leaning voters. I never really liked Harris as a pick, though, as I was frustrated that the original movement leading to Biden stepping down, one focusing on the lives of Palestian people, had been co-opted by the Democratic party as a critisicm of Biden's age. Thus picking Harris, with seemingly idenitical opinions on Palestine (and everything else for that matter), pushed for a narrative that she was distinct candidate, despite being different only in sybolism and presentation. I did start to fear Harris would lose as she continually pushed herself farther right in policy and rhetoric in order to appeal to the conserative and moderate demographic of Americans, as opposed to building trust with the left-leaning Americans who not only genuinely feared for their rights but for the lives of Palestian people as well. Competing against a candidate whose final campagin ads featured transphobia at a rate of around 40%, Harris seemed to chose to agree with his stance, as if mild transphobia would appeal to transphobes more than blantant transphobia. And as if trans people didn't exist: neither as voters nor humans.
Despite this, I still believed she would win.
The next morning, in bed with my partner, I scrolled through TikTok, only watching videos with moving tips for Americans, discussions of the elections, or anything with a cat. I noted had almost no conversations of the election discussed trans people (or queer people at all). This also meant videos rarely discussed the concerns Black or Brown people or the Palestian genocide. It shocked me. I seemed to have forgotten that many Americans don't care about these issues, or at least that many Americans aren't aware of the consequences a Trump presidency could have on these populations. I then remembered the ads against Project 25, discussing the potential ban of pornography instead of the plan for genocide against the trans community. And the vague rhetoric of "saving democracy," but not on saving trans lives.
Its hard for me not to be scared. Currently I am taking a class on antisemitism, and my most of thoughts every lecture are consumed by the overlaps of antisemitism to transphobia, especially when discussing the antisemitism of Nazi Germany. My heart sinks everytime the professor discusses a Jewish scholar by noting that they fled Germany before or during the Nazi regime (sometimes including that their loved ones failed to flee). Last night I wondered if that should be me. I used that think that, in this genocide, I was one of the safe ones. That I, a white, young adult, middle-class background, trans man guarded by the walls of liberal academia would be safe. But those walls were already cracking as Wisconsin legislature continually attacked "DEI" in my univserity. Now, trans protections have the ability to be stripped at a federal level as well. I wanted to do my senior thesis in sociology on transgender refugees from the South to my city, but now I question if thats where my focus in a country that soon will be attacking trans people on all levels.
The only thing currently giving me direction, besides the wonderful community I am currently surrounded by, is this video. TW, the video is titled "Don't K*ll Yourself," and is a plea to trans people in the US to stay alive. The video discusses a novel by Octavia Butler, Parable of the Talents, which is a sequel to Parable of the Sower. They are distopian sci-fi novels about a "future" fascist America. I have read neither, but would like to note that, hauntingly, the first book begins in the year 2024. So for now, at least, as I figure out how to keep myself and my community safe, I have the goal of reading these two books.
Please live. I reccomend getting involved with trans and leftist communities, online and in person. I reccomend looking into Canada's LGBTQI+ refugee programs. And I reccomend trying to find joy, somehow, everyday. But this is just what I recommend. I beg, though, that anyone reading this does everything that can to live.